Sometimes I don’t know what to say. In life, yes, but also here. It seems an odd thing to admit because as a writer I feel words should be abundant.
I have struggled for at least two weeks to write what I feel is the right thing. This weekend alone I began and abandoned three blog posts.
It’s hard to type when your fingers are crossed, wishing for words to click.
Fridays are a day I write with intention. But life outside of my computer last week kept me from engaging my thoughts in any sensible way. To salvage the day, I logged into my Hope*Writers library, a writing community filled with how-to tutorials, and scrolled through until my interest piqued. A thumbnail image titled “Developing Your Writer’s Voice” grabbed my attention, as mine feels grossly inadequate of late.
As we so often do, I expected immediate gratification and answers – a step-by-step instruction to excel at writing.
I found just the opposite. Instead of “write” I heard “wait.”
The new-to-me author named Ashlee Eiland talked about the practice she engages of stillness, silence, and presence.
On a morning when her father was scheduled for surgery, she stepped onto her deck and looked up at the sky.
“I saw a canopy of trees above me,” she said. “I saw there was not a cloud in the sky and I was given this overwhelming peace to say that ‘Ashlee it might seem like everything is swirling around you but it’s clear up here.’”
“It’s clear up here.”
I’ll take that on a t-shirt.
What is swirling around you today?
We are trying to buy a new car.
Swirling.
Fall break, while welcome, is interrupting our routine.
Swirling.
Even when I’m standing still my life right now feels like one of those corn mazes that are so popular in pumpkin patches this season. I may as well be surrounded by 7-foot stalks because I can’t see where I’m going or which turn I should take.
So, instead of looking forward I’m learning to look up.
I carry close a letter from my daddy. It’s tucked inside the front cover of my Bible so I can retrieve it when I need him. His words are appropriate for my looking and waiting.
“When in doubt, PRAY,” he wrote. “And then wait on God to lead you.”
Because God says, “It’s clear up here.”
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; think about Him in all your ways, and He will guide you on the right paths.”
(Proverbs 3: 5-6)
