I pitched the pile of laundry from my arms onto the orange chair in the corner of our living room. An array of socks tumbled to the floor, probably without their matches. I started to dig through layers of kid clothes, frantic for a pair of panties. Abby Kate was in the shower. I promised her I would bring them as soon as I emptied the dryer. But I couldn’t find any.
Frustrated, I shouted to no one in particular, “How does she not have any clean panties?!”
From the corner of my eye, I could see dirty dishes stacked beside the kitchen sink, waiting to be washed. Behind me, more clothes (clean, but no panties) rested on the back of the couch (folded at least) ready to be put away. Who even knows how long they’d been there? The 360-degree view of our downstairs living space reflected a disaster zone, and I felt the worst thing a mom can feel.
Not good enough.
Have you been there?
Are you there now?
My friend Michele has a remedy for our “not enough” moments. It has helped me deflect self-doubt and is a valuable parenting tool when my kids run low on confidence. Michele says this:
“Ask yourself ‘What does God say about me?’”
Determined to make sense of this ugly motherhood moment, I turned to Proverbs 31 and the “portrait of a virtuous woman.” Traditional translations are beautifully poetic as they illustrate a woman who honors God in the ways she cares for her family and home.
“She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth food to her household… she layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff… Strength and honor are her clothing, and she will rejoice in time to come…” (Proverbs 17, 19, 25 King James version)
Curious, and grasping for inspiration in more relatable language, I pulled The Message translation. It is not my first-choice scripture, but I appreciate some of its contemporary interpretations.
“First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day. She is… diligent in homemaking… She always faces tomorrow with a smile…” (Proverbs 31: 17-19, 25 The Message)
The King James version I have, a Bible that belonged to my daddy, is written in a way that I am struck by each task the woman undertakes: waking, cooking, sewing. The Message reading puts me in awe of her attitude: eager, diligent, cheerful.
If we made a list of all the things the Proverbs 31 wife takes on in a day, and beside it scribbled our own to-dos, they would look remarkably similar. Feeding our families, providing them clothes (gosh, kids grow fast!), working, volunteering. It’s a lot, and overwhelm can make us grumpy in a hurry. So, what can we do about it?
Like my friend Michele, I offer one question for you to consider: What do your kids need today?
You could answer a lot of ways and I guarantee the list would be too long because there is just one thing our kids need from us. Only one. And that is our time.
Our time can take on a lot of different looks depending on what our kids need in the moment. In Abby Kate’s case, it was clean clothes. So, I spent the next two hours of my time washing loads of laundry.
Do your children need dinner that isn’t served at a drive-thru window? Your time will look like a homemade family meal.
Do your children need to escape the pressure of studying and good grades? Your time can look like playing video games with them.
Do your children need space to connect with their friends? Your time may look like driving them to the movies or the mall.
Sometime during Jeff’s overseas deployment two years ago I began laying down with Lily each morning before school. I don’t remember if she asked me to or if I sensed she needed the assurance that I was close since Jeff was so far away. I still start her day that way, cuddled beneath the covers as she slowly wakes up. There are a lot of things I could do in those 30 minutes. But what Lily needs is to know I am nearby no matter what her day holds. And if my time looks like rest and sleep, I’ll gladly accept it!
What do your kids need from you today? Prioritize the one thing they need most and pursue that. Let anything else wait.
Your children aren’t going to remember the chores you chased every day. But they will carry with them the enthusiasm you showed to wake them each morning, the warmth you gave when you tucked them in at night, and the love you expressed in between.
They’ll remember the thing that mattered most to them. And that is your time, whatever it may look like.
P.S. I thought you may be encouraged as I was to read The Message translation of Proverbs 31. May it inspire you to spend your time well and with joy.
Hymn to a Good Wife
The Message
Proverbs 31: 10-31
A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She’s quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
“Many women have done wonderful things,
but you’ve outclassed them all!”
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Adorn her life with praises!