I’m a sucker for a finale. A championship game, a farewell tour, a series-ending episode. There is something special about being part of a “last.”
I remembered last Friday that Pat Sajak was hosting his final Wheel of Fortune so a few minutes before the 6:30 broadcast Lily turned off the series she is binge-watching on Disney+ and we tuned in to Wheel. Abby Kate joined her on the couch and the three of us laughed a lot as we worked together to solve the puzzles.
I teared up as Pat gave his parting speech, not because it’s the end of his era but because the words he spoke returned me to a long-gone era in my life: my daddy watching the evening news and Wheel of Fortune from the comfort of his recliner. Jeff and I talked about how living rooms and television sets have evolved over the 40 years Pat Sajak hosted, from shag carpet and enormous console TVs that were practically pieces of furniture to hardwood floors and sleek flatscreens mounted like pictures onto a wall. Imagine how many generations have gathered those screens and now share those memories.
Finale is just a fancy word for change. We dress it up with pomp and circumstance to mask the sadness it imposes, but when the confetti clears we face the lousy reality that we cannot escape it. Add change to the list of sure things behind death and taxes.
Summer is a guaranteed season of change; graduations and weddings fill the calendar. The shifts in my life are more subtle, like realizing the sandals Lily wore last summer are too small or helping Abby Kate braid her hair only to see in the mirror that she is now taller than I am. When the girls were little I would tote them to work with me during the summer, busy bags of snacks and activities in tow to keep them entertained while I worked. Now they are old enough and mature enough to stay home alone for the hours I’m at the office.
Tuesday before I left for work I wrote a short to-do list for Abby Kate and Lily. I laughed with my mom that afternoon about how I have turned into my daddy. He used to write chores for my brothers and me to take care of during our summer days at home. Would you believe I still have a neon pink notebook with a couple lists intact? One of them includes a “Sweet Sixteen” birthday greeting from Daddy, scribbled in pencil, exempting me from duties that day.
I have a soft spot for sentimental things (like old notebooks) which is probably why I enjoy finales so much. Endings become a piece of history, a place and time we cannot get back or return to. I’m painfully aware of change every time I drive to the house where I grew up and where my mom still lives. If you’ve known me or been here on my blog for any length of time then you know my daddy passed away many years ago. His death was the hardest change I’ve ever known.
My creative friend Misty and I met a couple of times during the spring to write together. She shared with me a beautiful blue book titled Every Moment Holy which essentially offers prayers and praises for ordinary moments. Misty pointed out two liturgies she knew would be meaningful to me, “Beginning an Artistic Work” and “Before Writing.” She was right. I have my own copy now.
I discovered another writing from the book that has stuck with me, a piece titled “Remembering Places & Times to Which We Cannot Return.” It is found in a section dedicated to sorrow and lament. In other words, change. These are my favorite lines:
“… That place of old was a site of my growth,
full of events and people knit into a world
through which your mercies shone,
and thus it is good to honor and meet it…
Sometimes I am tempted to sit, listless,
in the midst of these fragments.
But I remember today
that we are both carriers of this recollection-
that you also have not forgotten.
You have not forgotten,
and this makes all the difference.”
There is something really special, even holy, to realize the pieces of my life that no longer exist in a tangible way are held by the One who created me, and who also made the people and the places I have loved.
People like my daddy.
Places like our living room.
Things like Wheel of Fortune and his recliner.
September will introduce a new season of Wheel of Fortune, a new host at the helm. When it airs, Abby Kate and Lily will be at least a month into a new school year. Change is already certain, and as I often tell them, “We will get through it together.”
How do you feel about a finale? Is a change in your life wreaking havoc on your heart? God sees you. He holds you. And that will never change.
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.”
(James 1:17)
