Grief is complicated.
It masks as sadness and, maybe, sometimes that’s all it is.
Maybe not.
Probably not.
I know grief. My daddy died when he was 58 years old. My best friend Susie died when she was 32 years old.
Grief is close.
And grief, I have learned, has layers. I discovered those layers not when I lost my daddy or my Susie, but when my daughter Abby Kate lost a pet. A pet shrimp.
Yes, I said shrimp.
We bought Abby Kate an aquarium for her 9th birthday (she wanted a pet) and filled it with 3 fish, 2 frogs and 4 ghost shrimp. The animal expert assured us all three species could live well together and they did. For about a month.
One summer afternoon, a piercing scream permeated Abby Kate’s room. Wailing, she had witnessed one of her fish eat one of her shrimp.
I scooped her up (Abby Kate, not the shrimp) and carried her to our living room couch. I consoled her as she cried. Eventually the tears stopped, and the questions started.
First, she was confused. She wondered why one pet would eat another.
Later, she was angry. She declared she would not feed that fish anymore.
Finally, she felt fear. She asked to sleep with us, afraid to ever look again into her aquarium.
Confusion.
Anger.
Fear.
Grief.
Abby Kate’s story may seem a shallow example of these emotions. If we examine honestly our own experiences with grief, we will see how deep it runs.
Grief is complicated and hard. We like simple and easy. So, we accept grief’s disguise as sadness and tell ourselves, maybe, that’s all it is.
Maybe not.
Probably not.
My daddy knew emotions, left unidentified and unchecked, could tempt me into trouble.
“Dear Julie Doll,” he wrote. “I hope and pray that your faith is strong enough to keep your spiritual feet on Holy Ground during the emotional times that you have been thru and will continue to stand on the solid rock in the future. Our lives should not be held hostage by our weak emotions but by our faith that we get from God’s word. The devil laughs at us when we are controlled by our fleshly emotions but he trembles when we stand on God’s Holy Word.”
Our world is wrought with emotion right now.
Confusion.
Anger.
Fear.
Grief.
We feel it deeply.
God understands. He holds us as we walk through it. But He doesn’t want us to stay there.
Whether we dwell is our choice. The way we respond is our choice. Making the right choice will require courage.
Courage to clear our confusion.
Courage to channel our anger.
Courage to overcome our fear.
Abby Kate’s aquarium is empty now. The shrimp “disappeared.” The frogs died. The fish did, too, but that was our fault (and a story for another day.)
Abby Kate has refused new fish.
Fear lingers.
Last week, though, on our way to the grocery store we passed the pet store. Abby Kate glanced it through her window.
“Maybe we can just go look,” she considered.
It will take courage.
I know she’s got it inside of her.
I believe we all do.
“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”
(Matthew 5: 3-10)
