It’s the final countdown.
School days are dwindling. The Alabama heat is rising. Summer feels close enough to taste, or maybe that’s just the watermelon I’m eating for breakfast. Only a few more mornings to wake, dress, eat, and dash and that’s a good thing because our pace towards the finish line of 4th and 6th grades is slowing down every day. Lily took longer to open her eyes Monday morning, then groaned when she couldn’t sleep any longer and still be on time for school.
“Two more weeks,” I whispered.
Two weeks feels infinitely long when you’re 9-years-old and not a natural rise-and-shiner. It doesn’t help that this is her big sister’s last week. But a field trip and Scholars Bowl team party are built into Lily’s last days so it’s not all work.
She and I talked at bedtime last week, reminiscing about her favorite things from this year and what she didn’t like so much. I was surprised when she said, “I don’t want to leave 4th grade because I don’t know what 5th grade will be like.”
Her confession caught me off guard. Lily keeps her feelings tucked in tight, so I was surprised when she shared her worry with me. I didn’t know what to say. I’m sure I muttered something deep and wise along the lines of “It will be OK.”
I don’t know about you but “don’t worry” is my default encouragement to reassure my kids. It’s also terrible advice. It’s practically impossible not to worry, and if your kids are like my Lily, they’ll feel worse for doing something we’ve told them not to do. Instead of saying “don’t worry” I want to teach my daughters things they can do when worry sneaks in. I’ve come up with three.
1) Let someone help you. I say to Lily all the time, “I’m never far away. If you need me, I’ll be there.” The catch is, I can’t always be there. I suspect 5th grade will be remarkably similar to 4th grade – she’s attended the same school since Kindergarten – but if change overwhelms her there is a long list of teachers who won’t hesitate to help. Lily must have the courage to ask.
I’ve shared before the story of how our church took care of us when Jeff deployed to Afghanistan in 2019. From restaurant gift cards (because I didn’t want to cook) to garbage disposal repair (because I didn’t know how) their caring for us was the most authentic display I have known. Through it, my girls experienced the beauty that happens when the church cares for each other as Jesus calls us to do.
2) Help someone else. Lily will have a lot of opportunities to help someone next year. She found out Monday that she has been selected as a Creekside Chief Leader for her school. Chiefs are 5th graders who are chosen to greet students as they arrive each morning and offer help to boys and girls who need it. This is perfect for Lily. It will grow her confidence (and shrink her worry!)
We worry less, at least for a little bit, when we put someone else’s needs above our own. An act of kindness may not wipe away our worry, but it can shift our perspective to more important, even eternal, things. Take a meal to a new mom, send a card of encouragement, or pull your neighbor’s trash can from the curb. The kindness we put into the world has a way of coming back to us, maybe in the way of relief from our worry.
3) Pray. Lily and I can start praying now for calm and courage in 5th grade. I want her to pray with a spirit of assurance that God is close, not with the expectation that He will make her worry go away.
One of the hardest prayers I have ever prayed happened halfway through Jeff’s deployment. I literally felt like I could not keep going. As I lay in bed God said to me, “Just do the next thing.” For me, the next thing was laundry. As I stood in front of the washing machine, I found strength to do another thing, and then another. God shows up when we ask Him to, and incredibly He wants us to ask Him over and over again.
There’s a lot of summer to live before the first day of 5th grade arrives. Worry is inevitable as Lily wonders who her teacher will be and which friends she’ll have with her in class. Instead of saying “Don’t worry” I’ll ask, “How can I help you worry less?”
What worries are your kids carrying? Have you noticed things that make them nervous? Lead the way as they learn…
To let someone in.
To help someone out.
To talk to God.
P.S. This list works for grown-ups, too!
P.P.S. There are a lot of Bible verses on worry. I picked this one because it will be easy (for Lily) to remember.
“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”
(Psalm 56:4)
