Showing all posts in June 2021

Lily’s Acro class will not be the same tonight, or maybe ever. We learned Saturday evening her instructor, Coach Jam, passed away unexpectedly. He was 32 years old.

We did not know Coach Jam very well or for very long. Lily enrolled in Acro class last summer and hadn’t quite reached the one-year mark under his direction. Conversation was limited because COVID required Coach Jam to wear a mask (and parents, too) but his smile and kindness were evident in his eyes and his spirit.

Lily’s last lesson with Coach Jam was one of her favorite classes. I could hear him compliment her effort and cheer her progress from my seat in the bleachers. When the hour was up, Lily rushed to me and proudly declared, “I won the handstand contest!” Handstands are not her strength, so this moment made an impact on her. I hope Coach Jam’s affirmation lingers within Lily for a long time.

Coincidentally, or maybe not, our dinnertime devotion Saturday was on legacy. My family is reading through a book titled “Disney Devotionals.” It’s a fun twist on Bible study. The chapter we shared just hours after we heard about Coach Jam’s death centered on the “Leave a Legacy” feature at the entrance to Epcot.

Author Albert Thweatt writes:

            “A legacy is what people remember you by. It’s the impression you leave behind on others. What is your legacy? Nobody wants to think about this, but what if you left this Earth today? How would you be remembered? What would your legacy be?” (Disney Devotionals, Theme Park Press, Copyright 2019)

No one would have predicted Coach Jam, in his youth and tremendous physical shape, would die mere days after his 32^nd birthday. Neither could I understand a sentence of Alzheimer’s Disease for my daddy when he was only 52 years old. Death and diagnoses are unpredictable and largely out of our control.  Life, however, is ours to shape.

I have read on Facebook some beautiful words of tribute to Coach Jam: a light, a talent, a gift. The eulogy at my daddy’s funeral, delivered by his pastor, epitomized daddy’s wit, faith and prayer life. These characteristics of Coach Jam and my daddy weren’t realized as a result of their deaths. They were accomplished through their lives. 

Our legacy is not decided when we die, but while we live.

Thoughts of life and legacy loomed close for a couple of days last week after I received a phone call that my mammogram on Monday had come back questionable. The radiologist needed additional images due to “an area of concern.” I found myself the next three days looking at my daughters more often and holding their hugs a while longer. I was relieved to tell my family Thursday that my second mammogram and an ultrasound “to be sure” revealed my health is fine. That clear scan is not a guarantee I will always will be OK.

A Bible verse in the Psalms reminds us we are not going to live on this Earth forever. Moses wrote, “So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Psalm 90:12) It is wise for us to acknowledge we have a finite amount of time to leave our unique mark on the world, and prudent for us to consider what our lasting influence will be.

It’s tricky business sometimes. Legacy can be a slippery slope into a strive for acceptance and accolades. When we pursue approval from an audience, unless that audience is Jesus, we’re building celebrity for ourselves, not legacy. Our legacy should not be about us at all, really. Coach Jam committed to help his students hone their potential as athletes. My daddy taught me to love and live for Jesus. Neither of them set a stage to stand in the spotlight alone. Legacy pursues love, service, and impact for the people around us.

Lily’s Acro class will not be the same tonight. I’ll hold her hand through the curiosity of a new coach and in the uncertainty of life itself. She’ll feel safe with me beside her. That’s my privilege as her mom and a piece of the legacy I want to create.

What will your legacy be? I hope you will take time to consider thoughtfully and intentionally how you want to be remembered. You get to choose. All of us get to choose. Not on the day that we die, but on all the days that we live.

“So teach us to number our days, that we may get a heart of wisdom.”

(Psalm 90:12)

*Note: this writing is a follow-up to my previous post about worry. It may be helpful to first read “Don’t Worry.”

God doesn’t always work mysteriously. Sometimes we can tell exactly the way he wants to grow our faith. I found myself wrestling worry the very day after I offered my thoughts here on what we can do about it.

Abby Kate climbed in the car that Tuesday, hurt and frustrated. Two kids in her STEAM class were mocking her. What’s worse, one of them was a girl Abby Kate had shown kindness to when the girl was a new kid at school.

Since there were only 4 days left in the school year, I sought the simplest solution. With Abby Kate’s permission, I emailed her STEAM teacher and asked that she move Abby Kate away from the mean kids.

(Let someone help you.)

Still, by bedtime Abby Kate’s emotions had escalated to worry. Her prayer notes from a virtual GA (Girls in Action) meeting earlier that evening read:

“Please help me to not be bullied…”

After I tucked her in, we talked to God. We asked Him to soften the hearts of her classmates so they would be kind and we asked Him to give Abby Kate courage.

(Pray.)

The teacher followed through Wednesday in separating the students but on Thursday the two returned to their usual seats. Their hearts were still hard as they continued to tease.

“Just one more day,” I said reassuringly to Abby Kate on our way home after school.

Friday offered promise in that Abby Kate would not have STEAM class because of a schoolwide awards ceremony. The hitch in my hope was that the early part of the day included outdoor free time. I wondered if the kids would hunt for her so they could continue to taunt.

I wondered…

Wonder is a precursor to worry, isn’t it?  Our minds create all sorts of scenarios as we sort through “what if.” Trying to predict what will happen is a waste. Our time is better spent looking back on what has already been because when we reflect, we can trace God’s faithfulness. My reflection happened over breakfast with a friend.

Abby Kate’s Kindergarten teacher was recovering from shoulder surgery but felt well enough to leave her house, so we met for a meal. I confided almost immediately my “wonder” about Abby Kate’s last day of school. Through casual conversation my reflection began to take shape, and without even realizing it I named a half-dozen moments in Abby Kate’s Kindergarten year alone that could only have been orchestrated by God.

So, let’s add this to our list:

4) Focus on God’s Faithfulness.  Name the ways God has shown up for you before. Make a literal list if you must. How has He answered your prayers? In my experience, God’s provision and protection are most often carried through people. He proved it again this week when Abby Kate returned to her favorite summer camp.

I had some hesitations about camp this year, and especially “wondered” whether she would encounter mean kids there, too. When I reached the clipboard to check her in, I heard a voice:

“Hey, Abby Kate!”

It was Bruce, a young man who in previous years worked as a camp counselor-in-training. He returned this year as a counselor, and he was assigned to Abby Kate’s bus. Abby Kate beamed. She had found a friend she could trust. I had found God’s faithfulness in a familiar face.

God is always nearby and often closer than we think. In a middle school classroom. At a restaurant breakfast table. On a summer camp bus. We just have to adjust our eyes to see Him. When we are focused on Him, our worry fades.

My final (for now) words on worry are not my own. They are from my daddy, written in a letter postmarked September 15, 1998:

“Pray a lots. Worry over nothing. Be thank(ful) for everything. (Especially me.)”

Daddy was wise, and funny when he wanted to be. Those last two words make me laugh.

And laughter would be good on our “Don’t Worry” list, too.

“Because of the Lord’s faithful love we do not perish, for His mercies never end. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness!”

(Lamentations 3:22-23)