Showing all posts in May 2021

It’s the final countdown.

School days are dwindling. The Alabama heat is rising. Summer feels close enough to taste, or maybe that’s just the watermelon I’m eating for breakfast. Only a few more mornings to wake, dress, eat, and dash and that’s a good thing because our pace towards the finish line of 4^th and 6^th grades is slowing down every day. Lily took longer to open her eyes Monday morning, then groaned when she couldn’t sleep any longer and still be on time for school.

“Two more weeks,” I whispered.

Two weeks feels infinitely long when you’re 9-years-old and not a natural rise-and-shiner. It doesn’t help that this is her big sister’s last week. But a field trip and Scholars Bowl team party are built into Lily’s last days so it’s not all work.

She and I talked at bedtime last week, reminiscing about her favorite things from this year and what she didn’t like so much. I was surprised when she said, “I don’t want to leave 4^th grade because I don’t know what 5^th grade will be like.”

Her confession caught me off guard. Lily keeps her feelings tucked in tight, so I was surprised when she shared her worry with me. I didn’t know what to say. I’m sure I muttered something deep and wise along the lines of “It will be OK.”

I don’t know about you but “don’t worry” is my default encouragement to reassure my kids. It’s also terrible advice. It’s practically impossible not to worry, and if your kids are like my Lily, they’ll feel worse for doing something we’ve told them not to do. Instead of saying “don’t worry” I want to teach my daughters things they can do when worry sneaks in. I’ve come up with three.

1) Let someone help you.  I say to Lily all the time, “I’m never far away. If you need me, I’ll be there.” The catch is, I can’t always be there. I suspect 5^th grade will be remarkably similar to 4^th grade – she’s attended the same school since Kindergarten – but if change overwhelms her there is a long list of teachers who won’t hesitate to help. Lily must have the courage to ask.

I’ve shared before the story of how our church took care of us when Jeff deployed to Afghanistan in 2019. From restaurant gift cards (because I didn’t want to cook) to garbage disposal repair (because I didn’t know how) their caring for us was the most authentic display I have known. Through it, my girls experienced the beauty that happens when the church cares for each other as Jesus calls us to do.

2) Help someone else.   Lily will have a lot of opportunities to help someone next year. She found out Monday that she has been selected as a Creekside Chief Leader for her school. Chiefs are 5^th graders who are chosen to greet students as they arrive each morning and offer help to boys and girls who need it. This is perfect for Lily. It will grow her confidence (and shrink her worry!)

We worry less, at least for a little bit, when we put someone else’s needs above our own.  An act of kindness may not wipe away our worry, but it can shift our perspective to more important, even eternal, things. Take a meal to a new mom, send a card of encouragement, or pull your neighbor’s trash can from the curb. The kindness we put into the world has a way of coming back to us, maybe in the way of relief from our worry.

3) Pray.  Lily and I can start praying now for calm and courage in 5^th grade. I want her to pray with a spirit of assurance that God is close, not with the expectation that He will make her worry go away.

One of the hardest prayers I have ever prayed happened halfway through Jeff’s deployment. I literally felt like I could not keep going. As I lay in bed God said to me, “Just do the next thing.” For me, the next thing was laundry. As I stood in front of the washing machine, I found strength to do another thing, and then another. God shows up when we ask Him to, and incredibly He wants us to ask Him over and over again.  

There’s a lot of summer to live before the first day of 5^th grade arrives. Worry is inevitable as Lily wonders who her teacher will be and which friends she’ll have with her in class. Instead of saying “Don’t worry” I’ll ask, “How can I help you worry less?”   

What worries are your kids carrying? Have you noticed things that make them nervous? Lead the way as they learn…  

To let someone in.
To help someone out.
To talk to God.

P.S.  This list works for grown-ups, too!

P.P.S. There are a lot of Bible verses on worry. I picked this one because it will be easy (for Lily) to remember.

“When I am afraid, I will trust in You.”

(Psalm 56:4)

Inspiration can come from unlikely places. For example, in a pillow I purchased on Friday. Normally a new pillow would not prompt me to switch the words I intended for this week but this one is special, or rather the person I bought it for is.

It’s been a milestone week in many ways for my pre-teen daughter. Abby Kate will turn 12 in a couple of days. It is cliché to say she is growing up fast. It is also true. I have not had time to think about how admirably she has matured, especially over the past year, but I realize more each day she is no longer a little girl. My emotions last Monday motivated me to clean her room. My spirit needed it, and so did my sanity.   

Now, before anyone judges me for not making her do the dirty work, understand this was one of those cleanings I had to do while she was at school so I could get rid of stuff. You know, things she can’t live without such as the McDonald’s Happy Meal toys she hasn’t played with since the second she finished her french fries and the piles of paper scraps stuffed into her desk drawers. And while yes, I needed to dust and vacuum before a HAZMAT team showed up and shut it down, I also wanted to redecorate. Just a little. Because a little is all Abby Kate will allow.

I’ve kept a brand new, bright yellow quilt set in our guest room closet for more than a year. I bought it because 1) yellow is Abby Kate’s favorite color and 2) it was clearance priced. I expected she would want a room refresh the minute she saw it. She did not.

“I like my flowers,” she said with childlike logic.

Jeff calls Abby Kate his May Flower and has since the day she was born. Her floral Pottery Barn Kids lamp, curtains and wall decals have been in place since she turned 2 and had to surrender the nursery décor to her baby sister.

Abby Kate loves her pink and green (May) flowers.

I knew any attempt to re-decorate could turn disastrous so, after I cleaned, I changed just one thing. I spread the yellow quilt over her bed like a big piece of sunshine then folded her cherished pink-and-green one and placed it at the foot of her bed. Abby Kate said two things when she saw the swap: “I love you!” and “You kept my pink one!”

I ordered new sheets with pink-and-yellow rainbows to connect the colors in both quilts and considered the décor GETMO, a phrase I learned from author Jo Saxton that means “Good Enough to Move On.”

My next move was to replace all the clothes Abby Kate had outgrown. As I cruised store aisles a few days later in search of new shirts, shorts and slides, I found one more piece to accent her new-ish room: the perfect pillow. Pink, green and yellow letters spell:

She is strong.

Being barely careful not to crash into a customer who was examining sheets, I rushed to check the pillow’s price tag and cringed at the cost of $49.99. Crossing my fingers for a sale, I scanned the barcode at the price checker across the aisle and discovered not only was it on sale, but it was also clearance priced just as her yellow quilt had been. $14.99. I practically ran to the checkout register.

My excitement about the pillow runs so much deeper than its coordinating colors and girl-power spirit. Strong is the absolute definition of Abby Kate.

Abby Kate demonstrated incredible physical grit last summer when she broke both of her arms in a scooter wreck. She adapted with ease to having her arms in a cast and splint. She mostly refused pain medicine.

She proved strength of character a few weeks into middle school when a boy began to bully her during P.E.  Once I found out, and at the prompting of school administrators, he apologized and asked Abby Kate to forgive him. She replied with honesty, “I’ll have to think about it.” At the end of class, she sent word through another student that yes, she would forgive him.

Abby Kate also carries a strength of spirit. I’m constantly amazed at her conviction that anything is possible. A conversation in the car after church on Sunday sounded something like this:

“Mommy, I’m sad about something.”
“What are you sad about?”
“I’m sad you won’t get to go with me to Mars. I read they will colonize it by 2050.”
“Where will I be?”
“You’ll be dead.”

Her wit is strong, too.

The Bible instructs parents in Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (NKJV) I like the way The Message interprets the verse. “Point your kids in the right direction, when they’re old they won’t be lost.”

Every day we create the narrative for our kids.

We hold enormous influence and responsibility for their confidence and well-being. Whether the words come from our mouth or from an inspirational pillow, they need to hear they are worthy and that they have value in this world. Their sense of belonging and belief in themselves begins at home.

I encourage you to think about these three things, particularly as you move towards summer and extended family time together.

1. What do you want your child(ren) to hear from you?
2. What does your child(ren) need to hear from you?
3. How can you say or show those things?
   

“Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

(Proverbs 22:6)

P.S.
Abby Kate fell in love with this teddy bear at a local arts and crafts festival a couple weekends ago. Look at its colors. Yellow and pink with a hint of green. The perfect complement to her new pillow.